


Escape on High Winds

by flitterflutterfly



Series: Please God, Let Me Live [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, British Military, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 15:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flitterflutterfly/pseuds/flitterflutterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after joining the Royal Navy, Raz gets a week of leave and visits some old friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Escape on High Winds

**Author's Note:**

> Set post-Please God, Let Me Live, but best read anytime after chapter 5.
> 
> I don't pretend to know ANYTHING about how the British Navy works so PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND MY IGNORANCE. I tried to look up what I could, but alas some things just cannot be explained away with wikipedia.

Raz tugged at the end of his jumper and then, realizing what he was doing, forced his hands to lay flat in his lap. He wasn’t used to wearing civilian clothes, not anymore.

Though, if he was being honest with himself, he never wore clothes like what he was wearing now. People might complain about the wages of a Navy man, but Raz had lived in poverty for too many years to do the same.

The Royal Navy was a luxury.

“Here you are,” the cabbie said. Raz paid the man and stepped out, looking at the door to the flat in front of him.

“221b Baker Street,” Raz said under his breath. “Advertising your address on your website, is that the only way you get clients, Sherlock?”

Shaking his head, Raz lifted his hand and knocked.

~.~.~.~

“Welcome aboard,” the man in front of Raz was tall, his eyes a dark brown that matched his military cut hair. The chain of his dog tags was smaller than Raz’s bulky one; he had to be a Dominant. “You the newbie, then?”

Handsome, Raz thought towards the back of his mind, but he knew better than to let himself be attracted to a man just based on first impressions. After all, attraction could lead to attachment and attachment was dangerous. “Yes, sir,” Raz said, eyes lingering on the rank of the man’s uniform.

The man smiled wider. “Petty Officer Kevin Chester.”

“Raz Lewis, sir,” Raz said.

“Raz?” the petty officer titled his head. “Says here your name is Rastus.”

Raz straightened slightly. “I go by Raz.”

Officer Chester laughed a little and shook his head. “Don’t get an attitude, Raz,” he stressed the name and then his smile dropped slightly as he looked Raz in the eyes, “not all the officers aboard are as easy going as I am.”

 _Just another Dom pushing his weight around_ , Raz thought. Except here, he’d have to obey. But John, he reminded himself, John had done it. Raz could do this, he could be as successful, if not more, than all the men and women aboard this training vessel.

He could show the world that he was worth more than some paint on a wall.

“Yes, sir,” Raz took in a deep breath. “I’ll try, sir.”

“Good boy,” Chester said. “You’ll do just fine.”

~.~.~.~

Sherlock hadn’t changed much, Raz thought as John placed tea in front of him and then sat down in his proper place by his Dom’s side.

“Back from military service,” Sherlock mused. “On leave, a week by the size of the bag you had been carrying, though not on you. A hotel then, which means you’ve got a considerable sum saved up, so you’ve succeeded in training, and gained several ranks. Petty officer at this point, I imagine.”

“Right, as always,” Raz smiled. He turned his eyes to John. “Does that ever get annoying?”

“Only when he guesses his birthday presents,” John said.

That surprised a laugh out of Raz. “I’m sure.”

“Why come visit us? I sense no trauma, nothing to need my help,” Sherlock frowned. “No trauma at all.”

“You look good, Raz,” John said. “That’s what he’s saying.”

Raz ducked his head. “Thanks, and no, Sherlock, no trauma. No case. I just,” he looked up at both of them, “wanted to visit.”

~.~.~.~

“I miss my mum’s cooking,” Andrew said. “No lie, her pasta is suited for the Queen’s mouth.”

The other subs in their shared bunkroom laughed. “Yeah, I bet.” Abby rolled her eyes.

“It’s better than anything we get here,” Andrew protested.

“Anything is better than what we get here,” Elliott snorted. “That’s hardly an argument, mate.”

Raz frowned at that, because he could disagree, but he said nothing. He rarely volunteered information to the other subs in training with him, but they tended to get some out of him anyways.

Speaking of which…

“What about you, Raz?” Abby asked. “Anything you miss?”

Raz thought of the cold nights curled under a blanket, sharing heat with the children that no longer had a home to go back to. He thought of emptied spray cans and police sirens and the cool feel of a gun, wondering if it would be better just to end it all then and there. “No,” he said. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Andrew sat up in his bunk and looked across to Raz’s. “No friends, family, Doms?”

“N-” Raz cut himself off as an image of Sherlock popped in his head. And then John.

 _“You’re a sub,”_ John had said _. “So am I. Didn’t stop me from invading Afghanistan.”_

“Yeah, a couple of friends,” Raz said finally.

“Oh?” Abby prodded. “Tell us about them.”

“Yeah, mate,” Elliott agreed. “You never tell us anything, come on.”

Raz curled his legs up under him and thought for a moment. “Well, one of them, I met him first, he was prowling around the skating park I visited a lot.”

“Prowling?” Andrew caught on quickly. “A Dom?”

Raz nodded.

“Handsome one?” Abby prodded.

Raz nodded again. “Gorgeous.”

Elliott whistled. “Ever top you?”

“No,” Raz said immediately. “I was too young, barely fifteen when we first met.”

“And he was older?” Abby blinked.

“A bit,” Raz said. “At least mid-twenties. Too old for me, but that didn’t stop me from, well…”

“Got a crush, did you?” Elliott chuckled.

Raz rubbed his neck. “Yeah. Anyways, I was a bad sort, at that age. This Dom, my friend,” though it was weird calling Sherlock that, “he would help me, sometimes, but I don’t know that he really noticed.” Raz smiled at the many good and occasionally frustrating memories. “A couple years later, I met my other friend. His sub.”

“Ouch, bet that must’ve hurt,” Andrew said and it sounded as if he said that from personal experience.

“Not as much as you might think,” Raz said. Because, no matter how much he admired Sherlock, he hadn’t willingly let anyone top him in years by that point. “John, that’s his sub’s name, he was in the Army. I didn’t think it was possible to do what I wanted, but he told me, he said,” Raz took a breath, “he said that it would be tough, but it was something worth working for, worth achieving.”

“That’s-” Abby huffed. “So you just went and joined?”

No, he’d gone back to school, found somewhere that would hire him to do menial labor and worked his way through his education. Years of studying, of going cold turkey on drugs and cigarettes both, of cleaning up his act. And then, finally, he’d applied and hoped and prayed until he’d been accepted into the program he was in now.

“Basically,” Raz said instead. “I wanted to prove to him that I could do it. Like he did.”

“Mate,” Elliott said seriously, “you’re bonkers. I mean, are you ever even going to see them again? You said you met the Dom in a skate park!”

Raz grinned. “Sure, but who knows, if I succeed in training, maybe I’ll go back and show them what I’ve accomplished.”

“Maybe.” Andrew shook his head. “Good luck with that, then, Raz.”

“Yeah,” Raz plopped back on his bunk. “Maybe.”

~.~.~.~

“How many years has it been, three, four?” John sipped his tea.

“Something like that,” Raz nodded. “I saw you in the papers.”

“I had a bit of a publicity stunt for a while,” Sherlock sighed. “Blame my blogger.”

John laughed and Raz realized just how light he looked, how content. He wondered if he looked the same way.

“How’s life at sea?” John asked pleasantly.

“Good,” Raz said honestly.

“No seasickness, then?” John smiled.

Raz chuckled. “No, never. The ocean is my haven, would be a shame if it made me ill.”

~.~.~.~

“Mind if I sit here?”

Raz glanced over and saw Officer Chester smiling at him. “Sir,” he greeted. “Uh, well it’s an open seat.”

Chester slid onto the barstool and flag the bartender over. Raz watched him out of the corner of his eye as Chester ordered and then turned to face him.

“Nice thing about being docked,” Chester said. “Proper bars.”

“Yeah,” Raz agreed. “Sir,” he added belatedly.

Chester snorted, nodding as the bartender handed him his beer. “You’re off duty for the rest of the night, aren’t you? Call me Kevin.”

Raz felt his eyes narrowing, but he attempted to stop the automatic reaction. He knew how often it was for officers to take their subordinates to bed, but he’d been told upfront by one of the submissive officers that no meant no, even in the force.

He had cleaned up, had to, and he knew he was relatively attractive behind the baggy clothes of armor and low hanging hat he’d used to wear. It was his looks that had been the biggest trouble for him before, after all.

“Kevin,” Raz said finally. No harm in doing what the man asked, for now.

Ches- Kevin’s smile brightened. “Not that I would mind you calling me sir, of course, but,” his eyes dropped to Raz’s chain, “I usually only require that of the subs under my guardianship.”

“Had many of those?” Raz asked. He was curious, but also wary. Kevin’s answer could mean a number of things.

“Some,” Kevin said. “None at the moment.”

“Oh,” Raz took a swig of his beer. Drinking alcohol without the sole purpose of getting drunk was a new thing for him, but he was finding himself enjoying it.

“Not a lightweight, I hope,” Kevin said out of the blue.

Raz snorted. “No,” he said simply.

“No?” Kevin’s lips twitched, though once Raz realized he’d been watching them he turned his eyes back to the bar. “How old are you?” There was a hint of apprehension in his tone, as if he wanted to make sure he wasn’t hitting on a kid.

And he was hitting on him, Raz realized. Well shit, he hoped Kevin wasn’t one of those officers to get all moody after rejection. “Isn’t it in my records?”

“Didn’t dig that far,” Kevin shrugged. “Or rather, my eyes probably glossed over it.”

“Right,” Raz drawled. “I just turned twenty.”

Kevin took some of his own beer. “Hmm. I suppose your previous Guardian had wanted you to go out to seas, then? Serve your country.”

“No, not for my country. It was my choice,” Raz said, because he wasn’t going to admit he hadn’t had a Guardian since he was twelve and orphaned. “There was someone,” he paused, “who encouraged me, but I had been thinking about it before.”

“Why, then, if not to serve your country?” Kevin asked seriously.

“The sea and the wind,” Raz answered honestly, before he even realized that he should. He looked down at his drink, rolling it under his palm. “That’s the kind of escape no wretched high will ever give you, the kind of freedom no pain can touch.” There was silence and Raz winced. Too much, he thought. Too honest. Damn idiot. “Sorry, just thinking aloud.”

Kevin’s hand caught his wrist before Raz could leave. Raz turned to meet those dark brown eyes. “There are other ways to get a high, to take the pain away,” Kevin murmured, his thumb stroking at Raz’s pulse point.

Raz felt his breath catch as the gentle movement did something to his head, but then Kevin opened his mouth to say something else, to seal the deal, and rational thought returned in a rush. “No,” he said firmly, wrenching his wrist away. He looked wildly at Kevin’s widening eyes, frantic at how easy it would be to just say ‘yes’. “No, sir, I-” he stopped before he could get out the apology and fled before he could make things worse.

Kevin didn’t call after him, which was just as well. Raz wasn’t sure what he would do if the Dom did.

~.~.~.~

An older lady knocked on the door and Raz turned to look at her.

“Ah, Mrs. Hudson,” Sherlock said. “Did you bring cookies?” He sounded like a kid, which was funny in it of itself.

“Not your housekeeper,” Mrs. Hudson said as if it were a daily reminder and set down a plate of cookies in front of them. “Who’s this then?”

“Raz, Mrs. Hudson,” John introduced. “Raz helped us on the  _Blind Banker_  case.” He smiled, though Raz didn’t really get the joke. “Mrs. Hudson is our landlady, she lives downstairs and bakes the most delicious cookies.”

“Eat up now, you look half-starved,” Mrs. Hudson said, reminding Raz for a moment of the old matron of the orphanage he’d runaway from.

How long ago that had been.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Raz said politely, taking a cookie. They had chocolate chunks and he bit into them greedily. Food would always be a pleasure for him.

~.~.~.~

“I wanted to apologize,” Kevin had asked Raz to stay behind after afternoon drills, which he did reluctantly.

“Sir?” Raz debated relaxing his posture, but he wasn’t yet sure if he should. Kevin hadn’t attempted to talk to him after his shut down in the bar nearly two weeks ago. He’d been waiting for this moment to come.

Kevin’s all-too-handsome face held a frown as his dark eyes took in Raz’s stance. “I wanted to apologize,” he repeated. “For my behavior that other night, at the bar.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, sir,” Raz said honestly.

“I do,” Kevin argued. “I made you uncomfortable and that was never my intention.”

Raz hesitated, unused to having anyone, especially a practical stranger, care for him. “I didn’t mean to run out on you,” he said instead. “We’ll just put it behind us?”

Kevin put his face in a hand, deceptively relaxed as he continued to stare. Raz wasn’t really sure what he was looking for and, uncertain, he began to fidget.

“What would you do,” Kevin asked finally, relieving Raz of his discomfort, “if I told you to kneel, right now?”

Raz opened his mouth, stunned.

Kevin held up a hand. “Answer honestly, what would be your reaction?”

“Honestly, sir,” Raz frowned. “I would tell you to fuck off.” He snapped his jaw shut the minute he said it, stiffening.

Kevin didn’t laugh, but he also didn’t frown. “Come here,” he ordered.

“Sir?” Raz titled his head. His instinctive fight or flight response, honed from years on the streets, was a war inside him.

“Come here, Raz,” Kevin told him firmly. “I won’t ask again.”

 _Good_ , Raz thought fiercely. “If you want to reprimand me, sir, I will remind you that you told me to be honest.”

Kevin’s face flashed anger for just a brief second, and then weariness. “I won’t ever punish you for being honest.”

 _Then what would you punish me for_ , Raz wanted to ask, but he held his tongue. Kevin was still looking at him expectedly, but Raz was stubborn if nothing else. To distract himself from the ever-growing urge to do as told, he studied the lines of Kevin’s face, the broadness of his shoulders and muscles that showed a life of work, and not just in a gym.

Raz had been in training for only a couple of months, but already he heard that Kevin Chester was the favorite of the Petty Officers and the frontrunner of many a sub’s fantasies.

“Why me?” Raz asked because he knew that Kevin could have any uncollared submissive on this ship begging on the floor of his cabin.

“Why you?” Kevin shook his head. “You’re down-to-earth, hardworking, and far too easy on the eyes for my sanity. Why not you?”

Raz frowned. “I’m not interested.”

“Explain,” Kevin commanded.

“Explain what?” Raz said. “I am not interested. I don’t want to kneel at your feet, to take your orders outside of our  _job_ , and I certainly don’t want to be bound, gagged, hit, or whatever it is that you want to do to me.”

Kevin’s eyes were as hard as stone. “Explain.”

“There is nothing to explain!” Raz growled.

“Explain,” Kevin said once more.

Raz’s hands had balled into fists, his jaw clenching. “What do you want me to say? Do you want to hear a sob story of a poor orphaned boy who had the curse of being far too pretty to live on the streets untouched? Is that what you want, sir?” he spat.

Kevin stood, suddenly and strongly with a sort of purposeful danger to his gait as he stalked. Raz took several steps back, and then forced himself to stand still, his anger fleeing in place of fear-mixed irritation.

“Yes,” Kevin murmured. He was right in Raz’s space now, his hand coming to lightly touch at Raz’s neck, fingers scraping over the pulse. “I want to hear that story, Raz. I want to hear all of them, to learn all about you.”

Raz’s breath caught. “You can’t-”

“Can’t what?” Kevin cut. “Can’t know that I have never been more attracted to any sub in my life? I want to take care of you, to make your demons go away, Raz, if only you’d let me past that icy exterior, those callous words that you use to keep others away so that you don’t have to feel.” His smile was almost bitter. “But I think you do feel, you feel too much.”

“Stop,” Raz said. “Please.”

But Kevin was done being nice. “I see the way the others watch you, how they work to get your attention. You are a beautiful boy, but if it could have spared you the pain I would wish you not to be. It wouldn’t matter, to me.” His other hand wrapped tight around Raz’s wrist, preventing his escape. “You caught my interest and that isn’t going to change, no matter what you say or how much you push at me.”

And like that, Raz felt terror strike him cold and hard. “Nothing will make you stop?”

Kevin back away so fast that Raz didn’t actually see the movement, only that suddenly there was a good three feet between them. His face was white and as his brought a hand to rub at it, it was shaking. “Raz….”

“What?” Raz raised his chin. “You said-”

“I know what I said,” Kevin growled. “God, I know what I said, but don’t twist my words. I like you a hell of a lot more that perhaps I should for someone I met a few months ago, but I would never-” he stopped, looking almost sick. “I’m not like them. I would never force you.”

 _Them?_ Raz asked in his head. _You assume there was more than one? How much do you know about me_?

He said none of this because in his mind he saw Sherlock and John curled up around each other and he felt a familiar ache deep inside him.

 _“You’re a risk-taker.”_  Sherlock had said the first time they’d met.  _“Just the kind I need.”_

“Go now, Raz,” Kevin said, taking his silence to mean something that Raz wasn’t sure it did. “I won’t bother you, I promise. I’ll strive not to make you uncomfortable again.”

It was a dismissal, one that Raz should take.

Work for it, take a chance, and it’ll be worth it. When had John first submitted to Sherlock? Was it immediately, two months, two years after they’d met?

Did it matter?

Raz sank to his knees, awkward from lack of practice and surprised by how natural it seemed once he found himself down, head bowed and his hands on his thighs, palms up.

“Raz?” The wonder in Kevin’s voice was like a refreshing gust of wind, a reassurance that Raz had made this choice, would be okay with this choice.

“I like you, I like you so much,” Raz confessed. “I don’t know why, because,” he coughed hard, “I don’t know you, you could be anyone, so why do I like you?”

“Oh, babe,” Kevin sighed. His hand came into Raz’s view and Raz took it, letting himself be pulled against Kevin’s strong chest. “This is your voyage, Raz. It goes at your pace.”

Raz tucked his face against Kevin’s shoulder, feeling the Dom’s hand stroking his short hair. “Yes, sir,” he murmured. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Kevin promised. “Always.”

~.~.~.~

Mrs. Hudson left with a cheery wave. Raz devoured two more of her cookies, watching with interested eyes as John playfully forced one down Sherlock’s throat and then ate several more himself.

“He doesn’t ever eat enough,” John said once he saw Raz watching. “He needs the calories.”

“I will have you know that I always consume at least the minimum calorie consumption for the amount of activity that I do in a single day. I will hardly starve myself, that would be pointless,” Sherlock frowned.

John exchanged a look with Raz and they both chuckled.

“So you’re doing well then, no regrets?” John asked, sobering.

~.~.~.~

“Kevin Chester?” Andrew’s mouth dropped open. “As in Petty Officer, sex-on-legs Kevin Chester?”

“Um, yeah,” Raz rubbed the back of his neck. The cool metal of his silver guardian bracelet felt like a splash of open spray against his hot skin.

“I am officially jealous,” Elliott said. “Extremely jealous.”

“You’re not the only one,” Abby remarked.

Raz felt his face turning red under their incredulous stares. He glanced at his watch and swore. “Shit, I have to go.”

“Oh?” a slow smirk spread over Andrew’s face. “Got a playdate?”

“Fuck off,” Raz said, but there wasn’t any bite to his tone. “As a matter of fact-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Abby interrupted. “Go, have fun.”

“We’ll press for all the dirty details tomorrow,” Elliott winked.

Raz flipped them all the bird and slipped into the small hallway, taking the fastest course to get him to Kevin’s cabin.

Kevin opened the door on his first knock and let him in. Raz took off his shoes, the Dom had some weird aversion to shoes being worn in the interior of his cabin, small though it was.

“How was your day?” Kevin asked, pulling Raz in for a chaste kiss.

“You know perfectly well, taskmaster,” Raz grumbled, wincing at his sore muscles as he shifted to get more comfortable.

Kevin laughed and let him go. “Poor babe, all work and no play?”

“Something like that,” Raz murmured. He fiddled with his bracelet, frowning.

“What’s wrong?” Kevin asked, sensing the shift in mood.

Raz scrunched up his face. It had been months since he’d first decided to take the leap of faith and kneel before Kevin, before his Dom. Only just last night was Kevin able to get him the bracelet from the shore and the tactile promise of Guardianship, which of course facilitated the questions of his bunkmates, but still Raz knew there was one more step he needed to take.

He just wasn’t sure he could.

Taking in a deep breath, Raz met Kevin’s eyes and sank into a kneel. “You told me to tell you,” he paused. “I think I’m ready, sir.”

Kevin breathed in loudly. “Oh, babe,” he murmured. His hand came to rest atop Raz’s head. “You sure?”

Raz glared. “Yes.” It wasn’t like he was a virgin. He wanted this, wanted to feel Kevin claim him. Wanted to affirm his place by the Dom’s side.

Kevin’s dark eyes closed momentarily, but when they opened there was no hesitation. “Strip.”

Raz stood and pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it on the floor carelessly as he divested himself of his socks and then his trousers. Kevin’s hand came to stop him as he put his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers. “Wait,” he murmured. “Bed, lie on your back.”

Kevin’s bed was larger than his own, though still small by shore standards. Raz let his eyes fall closed as he lay back on it. This was his choice, he reminded himself. He liked Kevin, could even trust him.

The bed dipped down and Raz felt a warm weight settle over him. He let himself relax back against the mattress, eyes opening to see Kevin smiling at him. “You have to breath for me,” he said.

Raz blushed and he sucked in a lung full of air. “Yes, sir,” he said.

“I’ll make you feel so good, babe,” Kevin told him. “Just let me.”

Raz nodded, tilting his head back as Kevin came down to suck against his jugular. The pang of pleasure went straight to his cock and he began to harden despite the constant pounding of fear in the back of his mind. He doubted that fear would alleviate anytime soon, but for Kevin he wanted this. He wanted to like this.

“Let me, babe,” Kevin said into his ear. “I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

And surprisingly, Raz believed him.

~.~.~.~

“I’m doing well,” Raz said with a small smile. “Very well.”

Sherlock was looking at him, observing him, but where once Raz would have been ecstatic to have the Dom’s attention on him, now he just shrugged it off. Because it wasn’t Sherlock that mattered most to him, not anymore.

“That’s good,” John said.

Raz stood. “I should go, I’ve wasted enough of your time.”

Sherlock opened his mouth, but John cut him off with a hand on his arm. “It’s never a waste to see a friend.”

Raz felt his face heat up in happiness at the distinction and he nodded.

Sherlock let out a deep sigh. “Dinner, tomorrow,” he offered after a glance at his Sub. “Bring your Dom.”

“He could be just my Guardian,” Raz said, because of course Sherlock knew.

“He’s not,” Sherlock said.

“No,” Raz agreed. “He’s more.”

John showed him to the door and surprised him by clasping his shoulder in a gentle tug. “We really are happy for you, Raz.”

“Thank you,” Raz said. He took in a steadying breath. “For everything. The advice and the motivation. I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t-”

“It was your work,” John interrupted him. “You deserve what you have accomplished, what you’ve become. You’re a good man, Raz, a good Sub, and a good sailor.”

“You don’t know that,” Raz shook his head, but a smile was growing on his lips.

“I do,” John argued. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” Raz agreed. “Goodbye, John.”

“Until later,” John waved him away and Raz went, his step lighter than it had been in years.


End file.
